Didn't think it'd hurt this much

You'll probably read this; I don't want you to get angry at me for writing it out cause I'm not bashing you, talking you down I understand it'd be easier on you. I do: but I didn't think it'd hurt this bad. I just told my friend Becky last night that we were good; then today? Ugh fuck while we were texting I was shaking. Visibly shaking; it hurts more than I can say. Usually I'm fine I can put my chin up and be fine after breaking up with someone. I can but this time? I feel like a mess, maybe that's because you've seen me at my worst? Or maybe it's because I feel like I wasted the last 6 months of my life? I don't even know right now. I waited 4 months for you; to make sure you wanted this. Then I get you - now I lose you, it's easier this way I understand I guess. A part of me understands but the other side of me doesn't, why? Why is it easier? Ugh fuck. =/ I don't want this to seem like I'm angry at you I'm not I'm just...I'm hurt now I feel stupid for telling you how much I missed you while you were gone. I feel stupid for all of it, the cheesy comments, saying certain things, the texts. I want to stay friends with you I do just this..this is harder than I thought.