My feelings on 2008

Worse

Shit

Really bad

now?

the worst clusterfuck my heads ever been in

=]

yay.

thanks to whoever controls what happens in your life for fucking me over

:D

Didn't think it'd hurt this much

You'll probably read this; I don't want you to get angry at me for writing it out cause I'm not bashing you, talking you down I understand it'd be easier on you. I do: but I didn't think it'd hurt this bad. I just told my friend Becky last night that we were good; then today? Ugh fuck while we were texting I was shaking. Visibly shaking; it hurts more than I can say. Usually I'm fine I can put my chin up and be fine after breaking up with someone. I can but this time? I feel like a mess, maybe that's because you've seen me at my worst? Or maybe it's because I feel like I wasted the last 6 months of my life? I don't even know right now. I waited 4 months for you; to make sure you wanted this. Then I get you - now I lose you, it's easier this way I understand I guess. A part of me understands but the other side of me doesn't, why? Why is it easier? Ugh fuck. =/ I don't want this to seem like I'm angry at you I'm not I'm just...I'm hurt now I feel stupid for telling you how much I missed you while you were gone. I feel stupid for all of it, the cheesy comments, saying certain things, the texts. I want to stay friends with you I do just this..this is harder than I thought.

Winter break & how life just gets harder

So this is basically day one of winter break. Saturday did nothing all day. Saw my girlfriend yesterday and that was an amazing Christmas gift she also got me a Chiodos poster and the Linkin Park CD/DVD called 'Road to Revolution' fun stuff. So for winter break this year? Doing nothing it's what I do every year. Well minus the shows I'm going to.

Dec 26th - Watch out! Theres Ghosts

Dec 30th - Chelsea Grin

2 good shows and any others that I may hear about. I'm sick with a killer sinus infection - it's good shit haha. Basically I need to start working on my final draft for my senior project paper and I'm not looking forward to it. Can't wait to be done. My girlfriend is away for a week till the 27th and I don't think I'll get to talk to her. Fuck my life. Family stress is kicking my ass - honestly I'm waiting for someone to just keel over and die now. That's the next step; if you know what's going on then you know what I mean about that. Anyways moving on, I've really been listening to more local bands than actual bigger bands lately. Damn if you find the right bands there better then the fucking signed bands. It's crazy. I have a huge headache right now as I type this and I really don't even know why I'm on the computer. Just wanted to update this damn thing. Rambling I love to ramble, cause honestly this blog is pointless if you don't actually know me. Feb 13th is coming up quickly, like no joke. My benefit show is gonna be sick - it's all thanks to my mentor though. So Manuel if you read this. I owe you a hell of a lot. Ahh what to say now what else is on my mind. I wonder who elses Christmas is gonna suck because Bush has fucked the economy over so bad; a lot of you? Not that I care much about the holidays anymore it's just stupid that the US has pit-fallen so badly and were in this shithole of a debt. Ahh random topics; see what happens when I get sick? I'll end it here. Probably update sometime in the next few days. Oh! My cell phone still isn't working for those of you that have text me - won't be getting a new one till the first, alas I'm out now. Laters.

Why are people so..simpleminded?

Really? In this day and age it seems that I come in contact with more and more simpleminded people on a daily basis. It's very distressing, people attack you for what you believe in - need that be religion, or being a vegetarian or something as simple as the music you listen to or a lifestyle change that is meant to help you and benefit yourself and noone else. What happened to respect? Did we somehow down evolve so much that we've forgotten it? 'In order to gain respect one must earn it' isn't that how it's always been preached to us by parents, teachers, elders? Well what happens when your never shown respect in the first place? What do you do then? I go back two years ago - the end of my Sophomore year in high school - yes I did some foolish things. I used to smoke weed every chance that I got and go out on weekend and drink. That continued until my Junior year - the middle of my Junior year actually then I saw how it was effecting me - I saw how my grades fell and how unwise it was to do such things. I stopped smoking cigarettes too, even if that wasn't that long ago and I've decided to clean my act up and choose a lifestyle that I realize is something that's really good for me. The Straight-Edge lifestyle; then people attack me for it? Ha! It's really sad how people do it, yes I made my mistakes, but I'm fixing them now and I won't make them again, is that such a problem for you? I'm not a religious person, never have been probably never will be. So no I'm not Straight Edge with god. God free is how I'm doing it because religion is sold and honestly? It's sad I feel rather sorry for a lot of people. I have no problem with any religion but when you say that "Oh you can't be Straight Edge unless your religious" you really have some problems. Respect - it's a simple concept.

1: a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation respect to an earlier plan>2: an act of giving particular attention : consideration 3 a: high or special regard : esteem b: the quality or state of being esteemed cplural : expressions of respect or deference respects>

That really dosen't look like a hard thing to do too me, now why should it for you? And this isn't directed at one single person, I just needed to vent - just mind your own shit. Leave your nose out of my business and we'll be fine. Don't push/preach your relegion to me and I wont lash out at you. Thanks :]